Koalyak - Review: "Football"

You have probably heard of the activity "football" before. It is a game in which a lot of idiots try to do something with an irregularly-shaped object, which for some reason is referred to as a "ball." This is a lie, because it isn't shaped like a ball at all, as you can see below. Death to all liars!

I do not know who Wilson is, but he apparently advocates football, so I hate him.

Anyway, I'm not really sure what they try to do with this travesty of a ball, but it seems to involve moving it across a very large playing field and possibly throwing it. This seems simple enough, but it's rarely so straightforward. By some unnatural coincidence, it seems that everyone who plays football is a homosexual. Because of this, whenever they get into close proximity with each other during the game, they immediately engage in gay sex, causing the game to become held up entirely until they are done. Often when they finally finish, they forget what they were doing in the first place, and the ball is carried away by someone who isn't supposed to have it. Due to these complications, football games tend to be many hours longer than they should be.

Incredibly, at each football game, there are thousands of people who actually pay money to see it. They seem to like the game so much that they overlook the constant interruptions. I think they should complain to the management. In any case, these people tend to shout incoherently through much of the game. Maybe they are homosexual too, and are pleasuring themselves while watching the players have sex. I don't know why they bother, since they can't really get a good view anyway. Some of the mildly more intelligent football viewers choose to sit at home and watch football on television. It evens out in the end, though, because these are the people who pollute the shout lines of online games such as Ancient Anguish with their constant football drivel.

XXX GAY HARDCORE PORN

I read somewhere that football was invented by evil space aliens from Neptune, and was brought to Earth as a way to dull the minds of the masses so that the aliens could come down with their alien groton beam laser cannons and destroy everyone with no resistance. This is pretty common knowledge, but still people continue to play football without care, speeding up the imminent destruction of Earth at least tenfold. Maybe it's because football players tend to be paid inordinate amounts of money for no reason, making it more profitable than any more intellectual career that might actually help us drive off the aliens instead of welcoming our destruction. Damn aliens, they've planned everything out. It's only a matter of time before human civilization is wiped out, all thanks to football.

So in conclusion, I think football is the worst game ever, and should be outlawed in all countries. If you want to play any sport, it should be Calvinball. Otherwise, stick to more productive endeavors, such as writing nonsense reviews for websites. That is all.